TiNi...24, educator, emotional freak, crybaby, a Giver, Daughter, Sis, Gerlfren, Bestfren, Pendidik, Muslimah.. mind's on work and the kids most of the time, hard core emotional, loves to love, bad stress dealer, trying hard to 'un-neglect' the neglected, learning hard to be strong, loving those who deserve to be loved most.....
5/23/2005

At long last...
It has been like wat...more than 3 months since i last updated my blog. Hmm, i guess i am not a disciplined blogger..i get bored easily and i won't put in the effort if i know it's sumtin dat i can put off. What kinda an attitude is that..!!?? Coming from a teacher?? Well, i guess I'm juz slacking...whenever i can....
Life has been ... like dat lah. Morning go to school, petang balik. Teach teach teach...malay malay malay....scold scold scold.... mark mark mark. But i tink i am getting used to it all la. There are certainly many times when the work does get kinda fun and filled with laughter. It helps having colleagues who are 'sekaki' wif u sitting near ur table. So wen i am down wif tons of admin werk or simply marking (esp time mid yr exam) its nice being able to joke and crap around wif them.
Life has also been ... kinda frustrating and confusing at times. I'm at a point where I tend to question myself.. wat exactly do i want in life now? How exactly do i want my life to go.. I want dis...i want dat... And at times, i simply forget that...ultimately, it doesn't really lie in my hands.
But does dat mean I should lay back...let nature take its course? Cross the bridge once i've reached it? Face it when it comes? No... I believe in usaha & ikhtiar. Kalau hendak seribu daya, kalau tak hendak seribu dalih lah jawabnya. So it's the efforts that show how badly u want something. Not juz seeing how it goes...berserah pada takdir... cos true, semuanya kehendakNya. Kita hanya merancang, Tuhan menentukan. Wat a cliche...
So here i am... living life a day at a time. Patience wearing out...physically burnt out...desperately in need of a vacation, away from everything. The question still linger... What is it dat i really want?
Adalah sukar melihat yang indah di depan mata, sekiranya mata hati ini hanya ingin melihat keindahan yang masih samar-samar di sebalik awan mendung yang masih belum tentu bila mahu berlalu.
Adalah sukar melihat segenap pelusuk dunia, sekiranya mata hati ini hanya ingin melihat ruang sempit yang diri ini sendiri bertungkus-lumus cuba untuk hiasi, demi kerana rasa cinta yang mendalam.
Adalah sukar melihat cahaya di hadapan, sekiranya mata hati hanya ingin melihat kebahagian yang hanya diertikan bersama keyakinan yang entah sampai bila mampu menebal dan bertahan.
Ternyata... aku masih menantikan hujan untuk membasahi kekontangan ini....


Said TiNi at 12:18 PM

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